Escape
by nannygirl
Summary: Married life is not what Fez expected it to be but will a catchy ad in the paper help lead him to the happiness he's missing? Very loosely based off the song by Rupert Holmes.


_**Disclaimer: **__I own nothing. I do not own That '70s Show or any of it's characters. I do not own the song 'Escaper' or have any association with it's singer Rupert Holmes. I do like Piña Coladas though. I own nothing!_

_**Author's Note:**__ Hello everyone! How are you all? Hope you're doing well! Today I have for you a little song fic oneshot that I've been working on for awhile. It's a fun little story that I've wanted to do for awhile so I hope you enjoy it. As you probably already know this is a Fez and Laurie story and if I had to choose a time place for it I would pick somewhere after season 5 but before season 6 started. That way LRK can still be imagined for Laurie. I did when iw rote it and hopefully you all will too! It's a different story with a not so common couple but I hope you all enjoy it! I'll be getting back to more common couples soon enough…well common for me :P If you have a chance to review, signed in or not signed in it would really mean so much! I would love to hear your thoughts and it could lead to more FL stories! Thanks for stopping by and reading, please review if you can, I hope you like, and please Enjoy!_

_Dedication: This story is dedicated to a fellow FL fan, MidniteRaine. A very happy and very belated birthday gift to you JB! Thanks so much for all of your support in reviews and kind words, thanks for letting me ramble on about random stuff, and thanks for not letting me be alone in shipping Fez and Laurie. Team Fez and Laurie! lol Just thanks, JB, truly._

* * *

**Escape**

It was well after midnight when the young woman carefully climbed up the carpeted steps—holding her heels in one hand and being sure to watch out for that squeaky middle step. Sure she was an adult and didn't exactly have a curfew anymore but that didn't mean she wanted to wake up the whole house, especially since she knew that would lead to an interrogation of questions that she really didn't feel like answering especially with the hangover headache she could already feel forming.

She thought she was in the clear when she walked up the staircase and past all the closed doors without them opening; it wasn't until she made it into her own room that she found out she was not the only one who was awake in the house.

"You are late." The figure on her bed said angrily.

She scoffed as she closed the bedroom door, "You're not my father."

"No, but I am your husband." The figure replied with a thick accent.

"Yeah, green card husband." Laurie reminded, "Which means not real."

Fez scowled and pushed himself onto his feet, "I am real! And I am a real husband! We are in a real marriage! We had vows!" he declared, "For better or worse, in sickness and health, on good hair days and bad hair days. Remember?"

"You really wasted a chance writing that one in. I've never had a bad hair day." she said conceitedly while giving herself a quick once over in her vanity mirror.

Watching her, Fez smiled, "Yes, you do have beautiful golden hair surprise, sister."

Laurie gave a ditzy like smile at both the compliment and the way it he seemed to be referencing an America song. Fez smiled back at her until he remembered that he was supposed to be mad at her. As if remembering what he saw cartoon characters do, he shook his head until his smile fell off and became replaced with an angry scowl.

"You are late." He repeated sounding just as upset as he did the first time.

"So?" came her response paired with a quick shoulder shrug, "It's not like we were going to do anything."

"Maybe we would do things if you came home at a decent time." Fez argued.

Laurie was taking off her second earring when she delivered her comeback, "Maybe I would come home early if I didn't have to come home to an angry husband."

"Ah ha! So you admit it! I am your real husband!" he was eager to point out before carrying on the argument, "And maybe I would not be so angry if you were not out _doing it_ with all of the men of Point Place!"

"Well maybe I wouldn't be doing it with so many other guys if you touched me every once and a while!"

"I try to!" Fez cried out loud.

Laurie's anger dissolved, "Oh yeah."

The bedroom was filled with a silence as Laurie continued taking off any other accessories and got ready for bed. Fez's eyes followed her movements but his mind was off remembering the kind and not so selfish Laurie who he had shared a night with in the back of Kelso's van. She had been the one to come up with the idea of them getting married to keep him in the country. She had been so wide eyed and almost excited by the idea of being married to him. Where had that Laurie gone, he wondered.

"Laurie," he said softly, "why do you have to sleep with all those other men?"

Laurie was startled by his question, so much that she froze in front of the open drawer she was rifling through. She turned to face him but that only made it worse. The hurt expression he wore made her tongue tied.

"I…"before she could say more she caught herself—she was not going to show her vulnerable side again—she switched on a snarl, "Did you find a job yet?"

"No. But I am looking." Fez informed as he followed her to the closet.

"Where?" Laurie asked before scowling at him, pointing her finger downwards and twirling it. Her signal for him to turn around so she could change. Understanding, Fez turned so he was facing the opposite direction and gave his back to Laurie; she continued, "At the bottom of your bag of _Peanut M&M's_?"

"No! They are not _Peanut M&M's_. They are milk chocolate." He argued, not letting the fact that he was facing the bed and not his wife stop him from waving his arms about, "They melt in your mouth no in your hands!"

"Well you better find a job soon so we can get an apartment. I am not living here for the rest of my life." Laurie declared as she walked past Fez, now dressed in her nightclothes of an aging UW t-shirt.

"Why do I have to get a job?" Fez whined.

"Because you're the husband." The blonde explained in a condescending tone, "And it's the husband's job to get a job so he can buy his wife her dream house."

The pair of brown eyes squinted together as he frowned, "You just want a place where you can _do it_ with all your other boyfriends."

"Only the married ones." Laurie answered in a tone that told him she didn't see a problem with her plan, "It's only so we won't have to worry about his wife catching us."

"You want to have sex with other women's husbands in the home that you share with your husband?" he questioned, sounding more and more upset.

She gave him a bored look, "It's not like we're gonna do it in front of you." a smile broke onto her lips, "We'll do it in the other room."

"Our bedroom?!"

"Fine the other, other room."

"The office?!" Fez's voice sounded even more alarmed as he asked this question, "The office is not supposed to turn into a sex room! It is supposed to be an office and then a nursery and then a bedroom and after we wave Fez Jr. off to Harvard it would be turned into a candy room."

Laurie rapidly blinked her eyes open and closed. She couldn't believe he had thought that far into their future, she didn't want to believe it. Mostly because just thinking about it made her head hurt even more. She put her left hand on her head as if it would help the pounding.

"Look, it's way too late to be talking about this. I'm going to bed."

"Okay." He agreed.

Thinking that was that Laurie walked over o the bed with Fez—unknown to her—hot on her eels. She climbed into her regular spot on the right side of the bed, her eyes shutting the second her head hit the pillow. However, when she felt a shift of weight on the left side of the mattress her eyes flew open and she turned her head to find the foreigner slipping into the empty space.

"What're you doing?" she demanded to know.

"Getting into my bed." he replied as if it were obvious.

Her eyebrows raised, "_Your_ bed?"

"Oh right, silly me. _Our_ bed, snookums." Fez corrected himself with a grin before pressing his lips together for a kiss but the look Laurie was sending his way did not look very kissable. He tried again, "Sweetie pie?"

"This isn't your bed and it isn't our bed, it's _my_ bed." she fought firmly. "You know where your bed is."

Fez began to pout, "But Laurie, we are married. Married people sleep in the same bed, together." He paused, "Unless you are a 1950s TV couple."

"Okay." Laurie agreed almost too quickly, "Let's pretend we're a couple from a 1950s sitcom."

"Oh joy! I call Ricky Ricardo!"his hand shot up in the air and he said his words so quickly you'd think he was trying to make sure no one else called to play that character. He smiled, "I do a mean _Babalu_."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're Ricky now and Ricky sleeps in a separate bed from Lucy so go to your own bed."

"Yes, ma'am!" he shouted, eager to play the role of the Cuban band leader.

He hopped off the mattress, taking one of the blankets with him as he made his way to his own bed…or as some might describe it, the floor. He soon laid down on the carpeted ground on the side opposite of where he'd been laying on the bed and the side closest to where Laurie was. Covering himself with his blanket he smiled and tried to make himself comfortable until his grin started to fade when he realized the mistake he had made.

"Wait a minute…"he said looking around with a small scowl, "Ricky's bed was not on this side of the room."

"Does it look like I care?" Laurie asked with shut eyes.

Fez's face crumbled with sadness and he looked up at his wife before speaking in a small voice, "Can I at least have a pillow?"

"Get your own pillow." She threw back at him at that same time as she grabbed the extra pillow and used it to cover her ears.

With his somber expression still on his face, Fez sat up before propping himself against the nightstand/his makeshift headboard; he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, "This is not how I pictured married life."

His words struck a nerve with his bride and she ripped the second cushion off herself and turned over to face him.

"Aw does little Fezzie want a pity party?" she asked mockingly and then switched her tone of voice to a harsher, more serious one, "Well too bad. You knew what you were getting into when you married me. You knew you weren't marrying any Doris Day, so if you want a pity party you're gonna have to throw one for yourself!"

"Fine!" Fez shouted as he watched Laurie drop back onto the comfy pillow.

Her face turned the other way, she repeated, "Fine!"

"Goodnight!" he exclaimed.

"Goodnight!" she replied still sounding annoyed.

His voice softened but he continued, "Sweet dreams…"

"Ugh!" Laurie growled with aggravation before chucking a pillow in Fez's direction.

Fez didn't seem to mind though and actually grinned when he caught the pillow and swiftly placed it behind his head, "Works every time!"

As he cuddled into the pillow with his large grin still in place, the sound of something crunching behind him filled his ears, making him frown. Curious he turned around and found something that was hidden between Laurie's bed and the nightstand but was sticking out just enough to make noise when Fez had placed his pillow on top of it.

Still feeling a bit puzzled Fez pulled out the folded newspaper wondering what it was doing in here. Was Laurie hiding it and did Mr. Red know his paper as up here? However, he didn't spend too much time trying to answer those questions and instead decided that since he did have the paper here already maybe he should play his husband role and do what his wife told him to do—find a job.

Fez cautiously unfolded the paper—so as not to wake his bride—and began to look through the Want Ads. He skimmed through the countless ads that were listed on the page. Some were looking for baby sitters, some were selling cars, and there was one that was selling a used tombstone! None of these ads interested Fez.

"Where are all the candy taste testing jobs?" he asked himself, scanning his eyes over the grey colored sheet until he found a small ad on the top left corner.

"Oo what is this? _If you like Piña Coladas_." He read the first line and smiled as the thought of the tasty frozen drinks, "Who does not love those bad boys? Especially when they come with little umbrellas…but no fruit!"

He looked at the next line, "_And getting caught in the rain._" Though Fez hadn't got caught in the rain since he moved to America, when he lived in his home country, rain was very rare there so whether he was caught in it or not he would go and dance around in the calming rainfall. "Yes, yes I do."

"_If you're not into yoga_." Fez read the next part of the ad and grimaced, "Yoga? What is yoga? It sounds like yogurt and yogurt is healthy…no, no I do not like yoga. Whatever it is." He moved to the following line, "_And you have half a brain_. Check!" he declared with a large smile.

"_If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the Cape_." Fez thought this was a very sexy line and so his facial expression changed to a smoldering, or at least trying to be, look as he replied, "Oh baby, I like making love any time anywhere." His sexy look faded with disappointment, "I am just missing the second person."

Despite his sadness Fez continued with reading the advertisement, "_Then I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me and escape._"

Fez's eyes were as huge as saucers when he finished the last line of the ad. He was not expecting that. He thought it was a want ad for a very fun job! Feeling guilty for reading the material Fez looked over at his wife but found her sound asleep, but that didn't seem to make him feel any better and he quickly folded up the paper, ready to get rid of the evidence as soon as he could.

He was mentally deciding if he should set the paper on fire or flush it down the toilet when he suddenly stopped. Fez may have felt like he had cheated on Laurie with that personal ad but he hadn't really and definitely not in the ways that she had already cheated on him. And if Laurie had already cheated on him then he could cheat on her! Right? He wasn't sure, that's not what he ever thought marriage would be about…then again it did work for some people. But if Laurie was going to make this an open marriage then Fez should be having some fun too! Shouldn't he?

Poor Fez was confused, tried, and couldn't stop thinking about that ad but at the same time he couldn't stop thinking about Laurie and how he was married to her not the lady in the newspaper. He owed Laurie a lot too for helping him stay in the country. Fez really needed to think about this, he might even need some help and he knew exactly where to go!

0o0o0o

"So what do you think?" Fez asked as he nervously wrung his hands together, waiting for an answer.

The curly haired young man stared at the newspaper that the foreigner had handed to him moments ago, he looked up at his friend and back at the paper; shaking his head slightly he tossed the folded paper onto the spool table and leaned back in his white plastic chair.

"I think it sounds like some lame song Jackie would like and drive me crazy with by playing it nonstop." He gave his Zen but honest response.

Hyde's words puzzled Fez and his brows furrowed a bit but before he could ask anything a pair of hands snatched the newspaper up from the table top.

"I think you should go for it, Fez." Kelso told him and Fez grinned brightly; he knew he could count on his best buddy! "She sounds hot." The tall man went on, ignoring the frowns being sent his way and instead looked over the paper once again, "I mean I'd totally go for it but I had to say no to one of the things on there."

Hyde smirked, "The half a brain part killed you huh?"

"Ah!" came Kelso's outraged exclamation, "I totally have half a brain Hyde! I have more than half a brain…I bet I have like…one forth of a brain!" he declared with much pride.

"Yeah, I'd be willing to bet good money on that too." Hyde agreed with a nod, trying not to let his amusement show on his face.

Content with Hyde's remark, Kelso nodded a thank you and dropped Fez's paper back onto the table and headed over to the deep freeze for an orange popsicle.

"Which one did you say no to?" Fez asked out of curiosity.

"The getting caught in the rain." Kelso explained with a shrug when he pulled his upper half out of the freezer, "It makes my hair all frizzy."

Fez nodded understandingly before picking the paper back up and slowly setting himself in the old lawn chair. He stared at the ad he had read last night and at least a hundred times since; but his mind was remembering what his friends had said to him. All of a sudden he realized something and looked over at the skinny young man seated in the middle of the aging sofa.

"Eric," he called out, "you have not said anything. What do you think I should do?"

It took several seconds before Eric finally looked his way and even then he didn't seem to look too thrilled the fact that he was being asked to share his opinion on this subject. He wore an uncharacteristically somber expression his face but Fez juts grinned back at him.

"Fez, you—the man who is married to my sister—are asking me if I think it's okay for you to answer a personal ad from a woman?"

Fez nodded.

"So basically you're asking my permission to cheat on my sister?"

There was a brief pause before Fez once again moved his head up and down with a smile now on his lips. Eric seemed to frown even more at his friend's answer and while Fez didn't notice this, Hyde certainly did.

"Forman, man," he said frowning with a hint of confusion, "You're seriously against this? I would've thought you'd be all for Laurie getting a taste of her own medicine."

"Yeah, well you thought wrong okay?" Eric replied, sounding quite upset, "I mean, yeah she's done some evil things to me over the years…like locking me out of the house in only my underwear—in the middle of December...but she's still my sister. We're family and family takes care of other, we respect each other and…" he drifted off as it got harder to hold back his smile, "Yeah, I can't even finish that with a straight face."

As Eric's large grin broke out onto his lips the guys breathed sighs of relief. For a second there they'd thought they had lost him.

"Look Fez, you and Laurie have been married for a month or two now and that means she's probably already cheated on you with like…a hundred or so guys." Eric guesstimated, "If you wanna go out and have some fun of your own, I say go right ahead."

Fez's lips drew into a smile when hearing Eric's words. He was right, Laurie had been having all the fun in this marriage and now it was Fez's turn!

"So yeah, I don't have a problem with it and I'm sure Laurie could care less." Eric continued but then gave a dramatic pause before adding, "Now Red on the other hand…"

With those six words Fez's grin instantly fell and of course it didn't help that in the background Hyde and Kelso were nodding their heads while saying how they agreed with Eric's prediction.

Eric couldn't help but smirk as he went on, "He finds out you're cheating on his little girl and he won't just kill you but he'll make sure you're wearing your ass as a hat at your own funeral."

"Won't it be hard to find a coffin for him to fit in then?" Kelso asked with concern.

However, Fez didn't even hear his friend's words and instead the frightened look on his face showed more of his horror as he thought of himself dead, in a casket, and wearing his ass on his head. He gulped. Trying to calm his nerves, Fez began to think of things that made him happy. Candy, boobs, and the ad. Realizing that the personal ad made him so happy, he pushed all of his fears aside and he shot out of his seat.

"Screw that!" he exclaimed with a dismissive hand wave, "And screw Red! I am not scared of him! I am going to meet Miss. Piña Colada and no one can stop me! Not even Red. It is time for Fez to have his fun and he will! Good day!"

Fez made his grand exit with a loud slam of the door leaving behind his perplexed looking friends who all exchanged looks with each other. Not five seconds after Fez left the basement the same door he'd slammed pushed open again and he stuck his head in—his strong and firm look now replaced with nervous wide eyes.

"Please do not tell Mr. Red what I said." he begged.

Since they were glad to see their friend back to being himself all three men nodded their heads in agreement.

Fez grinned, "Thank you. Now, good day!"

And with that he was gone again.

0o0o0o

After leaving the basement the second time and then going back in to retrieve some paper and a pen, Fez made his third and final exit before setting himself in one of the flower patterned patio chairs.

Carefully, he looked around to make sure no one was watching. When he was sure that the coast was clear he pulled out the infamous sheet of newspaper and placed it next to the notepaper and pencil on the small plastic table in front of him. He was going to meet up with Miss Piña Colada and the best way to do this, according to Fez, was to respond to her personal ad by writing one of his own!

He read over the ad once again to help him figure out what he could put in his reply.

Following a quick read through he found his words.

"_Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. I am not into healthy food but I do like champagne_." Fez wrote down as he spoke the words out loud.

His hand froze as he debated over drawing a happy face next to the word champagne. In the end he decided against it, when he realized the newspaper would not be able to put in his little drawing. It was too bad there wasn't a way to add smiling faces into writings—it would make them look happier!

"_I've got to meet you by tomorrow at noon_." His writing continued after pausing to figure out what would be a good time to meet. Fez figured the sooner the better!

But now he had an even bigger problem. He could not find something to rhyme with the word that wanted to end his ad with. He searched his brain.

"Grape…drape…ape…shape…"And then it hit him! He swiftly went back to writing, "_And cut through all this red tape. At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape!_"

Fez reread his words and by the time he'd reached the end he'd broken out into a proud grin, "Ah Fez, old boy, you are not only a poet but you know it!"

0o0o0o

The next day Fez found himself sitting at table for two at the bar and grill of O'Malley's. He hadn't included a date on his first draft of his personal ad but the lady at the newspaper was kind enough to suggest that he add a date and not just a time to keep from there being a mix up. Fez didn't want to take any risk of missing Miss. Piña Colada so he quickly added in the word 'tomorrow.' And now tomorrow was today.

Fez nervously shifted in his seat as he looked down at his watch—it was noon right on the dot, she would be here any minute! That thought alone nearly sent him into sweating frenzy. He wanted to make sure he looked okay but didn't want to leave his seat in fear of her coming while he was gone and thinking he'd stood her up. Luckily Fez found a solution to his problem. He picked up his spoon and checked his reflection.

While Fez was busy trying to which way to fix his hair—his reflection in the spoon was upside down, after all—he didn't notice the young woman stepping into the place, talking to a waiter, and then being pointed in Fez's direction. He didn't even know she was standing behind him until he heard the sound of her voice.

"Oh, it's you."

Hearing the familiar voice and the bored tone she used, Fez's head snapped up and behind him where he found his mystery lady standing. He knew who it was in an instant, the sound of her voice, the curve of her face. This was no mystery lady this was Laurie Forman!

"Laurie?" he asked confused, "What are you doing here?'

"What do you think I'm doing here?" she asked with irritation.

"Oh. You are here for a date." Fez concluded almost sounding sad when he spoke the words but it quickly switched to a happier, prouder one as he went on, "Well so am I! Now move along…"

The blonde rolled her eyes, "I know you're here for a date. I'm your date, moron."

Fez's eyebrows squished with confusion. He was about to ask more when Laurie pulled a newspaper from her purse and slapped it onto the table. Looking down he found that it was a personal ad, his personal ad, circled with red marker. His eyes became large as they moved up from the paper and over at Laurie who had—unhappily—dropped herself into the seat in front of him.

"You are Miss. Piña Colada?" his tone was filled with surprise.

Laurie nodded and couldn't help but laugh a bit at the name he'd given her after reading her ad. After taking a few seconds to let it all sink in and begin to make sense Fez too started to laugh, though his chuckles were larger and louder than his wife's.

Still smiling he shook his head, "I never knew that you liked piña coladas and getting caught in the rain and the feel of the ocean and…"

"Yeah, Fez I know." she cut him off reminding him, "I wrote the ad, remember?"

He nodded his head but a sudden question entered his mind, "But why did you write a personal ad? You are Laurie Forma, you can pick any man you want and do it with him!"

"Yeah well," she shrugged, "maybe I don't want a guy I can just do it with."

"Then why did you write the ad?" Fez wanted to know, her answer had obviously raised more questions and his voice sounded a tad more hurt than before, "Why did you not talk to me?"

She looked at him and into his eyes, looking as if she were going to say something personal but instead she crossed her arms over her chest tilted her head slightly, "Why did you answer the ad?"

"Oo touché!" Fez complimented, he always knew Laurie was smart. She was after all, the only one he knew who went to college—even if it was for a short period.

Laurie heaved a heavy annoyed sigh, "Look Fez, we got into this thing both of us knowing that the chance of a real marriage between the two of us working was pretty slim." She told him, "But if we're both looking for a more serious relationship with people who aren't us…maybe we should just give up on this whole thing."

Fez frowned but Laurie continued.

"We'll keep the paper work the way it is so you can stay in the country but everything else will go back to the way it was before."

"No." came Fez's firm reply, "I do not think this is a bad thing. I think it is good. It is like a sign from the Piña Colada Gods who want us to be together. They believe in our marriage and so do I. Come on Laurie, come with me and escape."

With a scowl etched onto her forehead, Laurie stared back at him but before she could speak a young waiter walked up to their table with his notepad in hand.

"Hello, I'm Rupert and I'll be your waiter." He explained though the couple wasn't paying him much attention, "What can I get you to drink?'

Never letting his smile fade or breaking his eye contact with Laurie, Fez replied, "I will have a piña colada."

"And for you, Miss?"

There was a brief pause that felt like a lifetime to Fez before Laurie at last spoke.

"Make it two." She said, rolling her eyes but not being able to contain her smile when she saw her husband send an ecstatic grin her way.

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**The End**

_**Authors' Note: **__So what did you think? Good? Bad? Yay? Nay? Lemme know in a review!_

_I really do hope you all enjoyed this little song fic and didn't mind the couple. Don't forget to leave a review and pick up a piña colada on your way out! _

_Until next time, thanks for reading, hope you liked, please review and lemme know what you think, take care, and have a nice day!_


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